Tag Archives: D

Caveman, don’t fail me now

After attempting The Biggest Loser game on Xbox, and seeing my Ghostbuster-esque Michelin ghost looking blob try to do the moves (thanks, Kinect!), I got this idea that I’m repulsive and quickly sent a text off to D.

D with his no bull-shit, no excuses way of looking out for me answered my text of “Am I repulsive?” with this concise answer:

You need to focus on healthier eating habits first, otherwise, the weight you lose will come back quickly. You are very pretty, but being unhealthy is very ugly to me if that makes sense.


Some girls might be offended but I love him for it.

It’s time to get my mind healthy and my body healthier. It’s time to heal myself, especially since right now it’s so convenient to be unhealthy and blame it on my busy days and my grief.

I’m doing a modified paleo diet plan for at least 30 days. I’ll probably want to stick with it longer, but for now that’s my goal. To start, I’m giving up dairy entirely and grains entirely. I went to Walmart with my other store’s ads and did price matches on fruit and meat. I already have vegetables in my freezer ready to go. I know, I know. Walmart. It’s where I can afford to shop right now so it’s where I went. Once I win the lottery, (ha) I will buy organic I’m sure.

I’m going to attempt to do Couch 2 5K on my phone. Right now I have an upper respiratory infection. Last week, I did day 1 and had to stop twice. I’m going to attempt it again in about a minute.

Here we go…


A distraction and a reflection

I’ve been outside of myself, consuming and inside, consuming my fears and regurgitating them into something constructive. Living life based on what is due and trying not to dwell. D says it’s not good to dwell and think about the things I can’t control. 

D, my decade-long friendship. Falling asleep in his arms after not seeing each other for almost three years. Waking in the morning with his arms wrapped around me. The 6-hour round trip drive to be safe in the knowledge that I can tell him anything. He’s been there for everything. He knew me before I became who I am. The comfortable silence, the way we walk beside each other; share a Pepsi. The purple turtle he won me. The secrets we hold from our teenage years and the joking way I tell him that someday, we will have children named Tapioca, Chocolate and Rum Raisin.

Back at home, the mold is growing both figuratively and literally. 

I had my first observation giving a lesson. How to find the area of triangles. It was like a teacher climbed inside my body and nothing else mattered.

I’m making a My Grandpa is Dying and There’s Nothing I Can Do About It Playlist. There is no song that completes all of my thoughts. I think of myself mostly. I think of my children that I hope I have. I think of my Grandma being alone. That’s when I really cry. I think of D and I sometimes and how sad I’d be if I lost my oldest friendship.


The playlist as it stands:

1. Birdy- Skinny Love
“Come on skinny love, just last the year. Pour a little salt, we were never here.”

2. The Gambler– Fun.

“But it’s not time, you never quit in all your life”

3. Sum 41- The Hell Song

“Everybody’s got their problems, 
Everybody says the same thing to you. 
It’s just a matter of how you solve them, 
And knowing how to change the things you’ve been through. 

I feel I’ve come to realize, 
How fast life can be compromised. 
Step back to see what’s going on, 
I can’t believe this happened to you.”

4. One More Time with Feeling– Regina Spektor

“And they’re sitting all around you
Holding copies of your chart
And the misery in their eyes
Is synchronized and reflected into yours

Hold on
One more time with feeling
Try it again
Breathing’s just a rhythm
Say it in your mind
Until you know that the words are right
This is, why we, fight”

5. Firewood– Regina Spektor

“Rise from your cold hospital bed
I’ll tell you, you’re not dying
Everyone knows you’re going to live
So you might as well start trying

The piano is not firewood yet
But the cold does get cold
So it soon might be that”

And, that’s it so far.